Insert corny cliche Harry Potter fanfic name here
by MiseRIP
Summary: Harry and Draco are struggling to stay alive. Horrors have taken over the school. The new DATDA teacher is a male Mary Sue his hair blows in a non existant breeze! people are having sex for no reason, and in public!
1. Gary, prissy lord of the Mary Sues

Eliza, while wearing her blue and black robes, felt neither dull or boring. Instead she felt hyper. And because of this she ended up running around the Hogwarts school grounds patting everyone on the head. Even Draco Malfoy, who sneered at her. Eliza simply smiled, outstretched her arms and pulled him into a tight hug. Which Malfoy couldn't possibly return because he was evil and.. evil.

She let go of him and patted him on the head, once again, then sprinted down the hall. Out of sight. Never to be seen again..

Ashlea wore her red and gold robes. They made her feel brave...brave like a lion, in fact. She was stalking Draco obviously. Hiding behind a tiny bot plant whenever he looked back at her with a frown. He would shudder then continue walking and the girl would break out in maniacal laughter.

The girl grinned evily to herself murmering, "Oh no, Draco. I'm not stalking you...I'm just following you everywhere you go. Watching your every movement, waiting for the precise moment when to unleash my scary plot upon your pathetic mortal soul..."

While on her sprint of joy, Eliza had managed to fall over a large soft rock thing. She squalled, yes squeeled, and then started to roll. For no other reason then what she thought was the right thing to do at the time. She was sorely mistaken. For she rolled right on top of the feet of a certain potions teacher. MR HOGGLEPOP!

Or, rather, Mr Evil Greasy Hair Dude Snape. She instantly stood up, took a not so gratious bow then stumbled the rest of the way to her Defence of the dark arts class while singing Greensleves at the top of her lungs. Meh, if you look drunk, why not act it.

Ashlea oofed as something mortal ran into her, then rolled away. She squinted her eyes and hissed in the creature's general direction, "Human filth...we shall destroys it...oh yes...we shalls." A group of students stared at her strangely, wondering, since all the students seemed to know eachother at this school, why they hadn't seen the odd girl before.

Said girl stood up and dusted off her clothing with a soft smile on her face and she skipped off to defence against the dark arts, as if nothing had ever happened, "Wow! Today's going to be a great day! I can feel it!"

Eliza's dunk state soon wared off and she was acting somewhat normal when it came to lining outside the Defence Against the Dark Arts Classroom. She smiled at the random people who gathered around, looking at her oddly. "Woah, I really need some man eating squirrels right about now.." she sighed. The crowd looked at her with wide eyes. She simply laughed a high pitched laugh,

made a chocking sound, then laughed a lower pitched giddy laugh. By this time the people had moved a few steps back and the door had not-so-magically swung open for their was a hand on the door handle..

Ashlea was suddenly beside Eliza, leaning on her shoulder with an arm, "So, What's the hand's name?" The space between the two girls and the rest of the class became infinately wider.

Eliza looked at Ashlea then at the hand, "I really dont know.. LETS ASK IT!" She jumped up and down.

Nodding excitedly, Ashlea walked towards the hand and knelt down, whispering as though it were a frightened animal, "Hello little fella! What's your name?"

Suddenly the hand was replaced by a full grown body! and being the sexist prick Dumbledoor...er Dumbledore was, the Defence against the dark arts teacher was a male. Again. The girl looked up, seemingly in awe and the teacher shot a winning smile her way, not realising that Ashlea was in fact staring at the dragon skeleton that hung from the roof behind him.

The man's hair was a luxurious light brown that shimmered and moved softly in the non existant breeze. His bright innocent blue eyes seemed...innocent and yet showed years of hot, sweaty and kinky man/woman sexual experience. He wore blue robes to match his gorgeous eyes that hung beautifully from his well built, muscled body, that was muscled, but not too muscly. Just right. Like that cereal with the sultanas in it..but really not anything like it. His voice sounded like waterfalls falling from heaven, except he didn't have water coming out of his mouth, because he'd drown himself. The teacher couldn't do that, he was too sexy to die.

"Hello class. I'm your new teacher, Gary." half of the girls fainted.

Eliza glanced at the teacher then saw a tank of fish inside the room. "OMFG FISHIES!" She proceeded to push past the teacher, who stumbled gracefully. Because being the hot thing he was, any massive fall would cause damage that was unneeded and would mean the end of the world. He swiftly turned around, which meant a lot of girls going back to their normal state, to face a girl who was now tapping

in the rhythm of the chicken dance on the tank that held the many pretty coloured fish. Which Eliza exclaimed with much joy. "I shall name you Hamish.. And you can be George.. And then you my pretty can be.. Uh, WILLIAM!"

Ashlea mysteriously appears next to Eliza and points to a fish, who was floating atop the water, apparently dead, "Let's call this one Gary!" she then reaches above the tank and begins prodding the rotting corpse, which begins to fall apart in the water.


	2. HOT SWEATY SEX! Just kidding Or am I?

Eliza hung a giant picture of the muggle actor Johnney Depp above her bed in her dorm. Which didnt happen to have Cho Chang as a roomie. Even though Eliza had never watched a movie starring Johnney Depp, being that she was from a pure blood family, she had randomally found the poster while walking down a street. And by hanging it above her bed, it was showing that she did asppriciate true beauty.

Ashlea smiled in contentment. The classes today had gone so well! she made 5 people cry in horror! Oh yes, she was hap-hap-happy!

The girl now sat on her bed with her legs crossed wearing a pair of Dinosaur boxers and a dragon tshirt. Dinosaurs were her secret love that everyone knew about because she usually wore them under her robes instead of the set pants. Ashlea looked around in happiness at her dormitory she just happened to share with Hermione. She had covered the walls with pictures of freakishly stretched jester faces, staring at the occupants in silent laughter. Hermione was hiding in a corner, rocking back and forth, shivering as she spoke in a hiss, "They're all staring at me..they wants my brains...they wants my precious..."

When Eliza was finally satisfied with her.. decorating. She decided it was time to spread her love with her fellow Ravenclawerersersaimon. Even though no one in their right mind, which would have to be all of them seeing as the smarties live in Ravenclaw Tower, would come within two meters of her. This didn't fase Eliza's plan. If she wanted to spread her love, her love would be spread!

She started by baking muffins. Well.. she didn't really bake them.. she just, sorta, stole them from the Ravenclaw table at breakfast. She figured that everyone loves muffins and if that meant having to wait for the muffins then so be it!

When she reached the common room, muffin basket in hand, she found it to be empty. She sighed, then a huge grin formed on her face as she instantly started to shove muffins in her mouth. Yes, Eliza is a very dainty girl.

Moving from her bed, Ashlea walked to Hermione and patted her on the head, "What's wrong Herpies! It's a be-a-u-tifully rainy day! the grass is covered in mud and slippery, the giant squid is finding more victims to drag into the water so it can strangle them to death!" She smiled happily and Hermione gazed at her with wide eyes.

"Okie Dokie Mokie Pokie! OMFGWTFYAOI!" She then randomly smacks the poor girl over the head for no apparent reason and goes off in search of something.

"Now where did I leave that fox trap..."

Muffins now gone, Eliza had nothing to do. It was raining outside and dinner wasn't for a few more hours, not as if she needed any more food. She lounged in a near by sofa couch. Picking at her nails. She was bored shitless.

"Fine rain! You win, but if I get wet.. Heck, the next random person I see.. They're getting a hug!"

She jumped up and head of the common room.

Once she brought her second foot out of the portrait hole, something horrible happened.. Her foot got stuck in some kind of primitive hunting tool. "Holy crap on a stick batman!" she yelled out in surprise. Then slumped herself on a wall. "Hmm, this is fun"

Ashlea's ears which suddenly grew longer than natural twitched and she gasped audibly, "Audible gasp!" She then raced down the hall, past a random Mary sue having hot sweaty sex with one of the lead characters who apparently have loved eachother since they were kids, even though they didn't even know eachother as kids and the Sue is somehow related to Draco...completely forgetting the fact that she was having SEX in the middle of a crowded HALLWAY in front of EVERYONE. Oh well, who's going to notice?

Anyway, Ashlea was slowly getting tired because the whole time I typed this she had been running no where until I decided that she was running to save her fox trap from the evil clutches of Eliza's evilness. She gasped even more audibly and snatched her fox trap she would never have used on a real animal, as opposed to using it on a fake one. But ANYWAYS she almost ripped Eliza's leg off. She then asked casually, while slipping the fox trap into her sock, "So how's the day been, eh?"

Well then! That's the end of chapter 2 and since we could care less if you read this story or not, Eliza and I would like you to review! Otherwise we'll hunt you down in your sleep.


	3. Damn those Randoms and Mary Sues of DOOM...

Her foot now free, Eliza had to break out in song and dance. That lasted for around 3 minutes when she suddenly realized that she had been asked a question by the dear Ashlea who was now staring at her. Her dancing stopped and singing was cut off by a small cough. "Eheh.. Yeah my days been great! I got muffins.. Mmm Muffins.. Yes, hows bout you my dear friend..?"

Shuddering, as 'dear Ashlea' found just about everything creepy, she forced a scary smile and threw her head back, laughing a maniacal laugh that only she could laugh when she laughed. "Oh, fine has my day been. Indeedy, indeedy." She turned her head to the side as the famous, gorgeous, beautiful, prettyful, coughreallyuglyguybutnoonenoticesexceptthemcough Harry Potter! otherwise fondly known as: Harry Pothead. But as to why they'd wanna call him Poth-ead was beyond Ashlea. She shook her head gently at the idiocy of some people and sighed.

Noticing Harry, Eliza finally took the opportunity to spread her love. She glomped him. He looked startled and Eliza simply smiled. It was a habit of hers during a supposed awkward situations. They just stood their, looking at each other. This would have been the perfect pash moment if it wasn't for the fact that harry was hiding a not-so-secret secret.. He secretly loved Draco Malfoy. And expressed this love daily during meal times and in class, but he always insists that he hates him. As does Draco.

Eliza was bored with the staring at harryness so she whacked him over the head with her HAND and ran off down the corridor.

Ashlea smiled lazily and leant against the wall, asking dryly, "So, how's your boyfriend...?"

Harry stood shocked! rooted to the ground! stopped in his tracks! unable to move! FROZEN! He had to think quickly...he had to make up an excuse! he racked his brains about how Ashlea could have found out, he didn't understand! They had been so careful! He finally calmed down and replied, "Oh, Draco's fine." O.O... he slapped a hand over his mouth and the girl also stood shocked. Which didn't last very long. "OMG! MAN SECKS!" she then fall over in hysterical laughter and Harry whimpered pitifully, running off down the hall.

Eliza hated to run and for some reason she was excessively doing the one thing that she hated all day today. She stopped and decided standing would be fun-er.. She was wrong. For a matter of seconds of her standing, someone pushed her. She let out one of those falling screams, as you do, and fell on her knees, because she wasn't stupid enough to fall on her face. She quickly got herself together and stood back up and looked behind her, who was this evil fiend that would push over a poor innocent muffin lover..!

She was faced.. WITH A RANDOM! DUN DUN DUN!

Ashlea was finally able to peel herself from the floor to walk back down the hall. Someone pushed past her and she let out an angry hell, "OI! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!" she reached out and grabbed the at the moment unknown person and spun them around, only to be faced with another sort of evil fiend.

THE DRACO MALFOY FIEND! Horror filled gasp!

Draco sneered at her and slapped her hand away, "You filthy mudblood!"

Ashlea stared at him for a few seconds..."But...My whole family are witches and wizards!" The evil midget boy looked embarassed for a moment.

"Just kidding! You fell for it, you dumbass!" she spun on her heel and ran in the oposite direction, leading to no place in particular, but she thought if she kept running she might finally reach the end of that rainbow...then that pot of gold would be as good as hers!

The random looked at Eliza and smirked. She squinted her eyes at it and said in a malice tone, "And now, you shall die!"

Its eyes opened wide, and then it blinked. This gave Eliza enough time to, once again, run away. "Idiot, as if I'd kill anything.. Sigh.. I'd get an assassin to do it!"

Finally, Ashlea could see hints of the rainbow, but whether that was because she was feeling light headed and slightly high from all the running was still unclear.

Eventually she slowed down and found herself face to face with someone familiar...someone who had been making out or sexing with one of the lead characters in the hallway, in the public eye, in the hallway...in front of the public, in the public eye, in the hallway! She flicked her glorious hair from her eyes and stared at Ashlea with a smirk, her voice sounded colourful, like that hair colouring that apparently somehow gives your voice your own colour like Beyonce's colourful voice. "Hello, my name is Mary Sue-ellan Rose Diamond pearl sequin Moonglider!" She then giggled bubbily.

A resounding scream of utmost horror could be heard all around the school.

Eliza happened to be in the school at that time, still running for no apparent reason. She was getting used to the annoyingness of running. She hated that. But she suddenly heard a scream.. a scream of horror! And stopped dead in her tracks. Well. Not really, she was still very much alive. She just happened to not be running anymore. Anywho. She decided best not to stand around, not after that horrid Random incident. It kept replaying over and over in her mind. She shuddered. No, she wasn't going to be pushed over again. Never.. Hopefully.. Maybe..

She decided best to investigate. Because she was one of those annoying people who had to know everything about anything. Her investigation was going quite well, she had managed not to run at all. She hoped her strange addiction to running was over. She was possiably about 30 meters away from the scene where the scream started, when the random blocked her path. She looked up, because shes a short person and the random happened to be one of those annoying tall people. It smirked at her.


	4. Damn those Randoms and Mary Sues!

It couldn't be...it wouldn't be! it won't be! it can't be! IT WAS! Ashlea stood there, still screaming non stop. Yes, she was scared, and yes, she was about to faint from lack of air. She stopped abruptly and opened her eyes that were shut, as opposed to opening her eyes that were already open. That'd be weird.

"Oh, I'm sorry! did I startle you!" Mary Sue-ellan Rose Diamond pearl sequin Moonglider tilted her head to the side and blinked her wide eyes. She giggled softly and linked her arm with Ashlea's.

Ashlea was chanting in her mind to stop herself from murdering the whore, 'Dead people being poked with sticks. Dead people being poked with sticks. Dead people being poked with sticks.'

Meanwhile, on the other side of the wall, Eliza was having herself a random problem. She solved this quickly by pushing it over and going back to the real reason she was there.. Which she had forgotten. Shrugging her shoulders she stepped over the random and procceded to walk that same wall, that was there the whole time, hiding.. In its wallness of doom.

Eliza fell to the floor.

Ashlea felt herself going mad...er than usual! Mary Sue-ellan Rose Diamond pearl sequin Moonglider wouldn't shut up about her stupid crush on all the Hogwarts' boys and how they had all fought over her love. Ashlea pulled a toothbrush she kept in her pocket, just in case. She stabbed the girl in the head and walked away.

Eliza was still on the floor. Being unconcious was a bitch.

Ashlea walked towards the unconcious body and tripped over it, "Damned mortals!" she stops and sees that it's Eliza. She gasps an audible gasp. "Eliza! What happened!" she then proceeds to nudge the girl with her dirty sock.

"I'm unconcious dumbass." Eliza's brain said. Being that magical talking brain it was. But also with the magical talkingness.. the brain could not be heard.

And with some sort of unknown magical power, Ashlea's brain was able to communicate with Eliza's with telepathy! "Wow. Us brains can talk. We rock. I think the author/s is/are running out of things to write!"

"As do I. But i can sense some sort of random revolution coming on.." Replied Eliza's brain. And, as if on que, the random that Eliza pushed over only moments before.. came to LIFE!

And too everyone's shock and horror, but not really. Just the two girls', the random suddenly had some sort of...army battle gear on and was leading a horde of randoms their way! each one wearing an evil smirk...on their pants. Nah, on their faces! THEN! the Mary sue stood up with the toothbrush still inplanted in her brain and her sex slaves (formally all the lead male roles of Harry Potter) lined up behind her, looking all googleh eyed.


	5. GASP! OH NOES!

Ashlea stood stock still...whatever that meant, she had no idea! but she was positive that it made her look cool. She was, after all, the coolest person alive. Her coolness went way beyond anything anyone could possibly comprehend. It's great how talking about nothing fills up so much space, isn't it?

A ticking filled her mind, with it's tick, ticking and she turned to Eliza, "Uh...You wouldn't happen to have any mortals we could throw at them?"

Eliza smiled. "Yes, yes I do."

She magically, not really surprising seeing as Hogwarts is a school of magic and all, pulled out a machine gun which started to pelt out tiny midgets, instantly striking all those that blocked its path.. yes.. The midgets were powerful.

Ashlea roared with laughter. Not the kind of roar that a lion makes, no. This roar was ashlea-fied and involved her almost choking to death on her own saliva, from laughing so hard. Oh yes, this was terribly amusing, terrible in the fact that all the authors could come up with was a midget shooting machine gun and an army of Mary sue/randoms! and amusing that there were midgets being pelted at people. Ashlea picked up a dirty sock that had been laying nearby and threw it at someone. It wrapped around their neck and choked them to death. Her mighty sock throwing arm was indeed quite powerful.

Suddenly, Dumbledornesspoopie appeared in the middle of the battle with a puff of purple smoke. Eliza swore he was secretly gay, I mean come on, who else do you know that arrives in a room with purple smoke following them..! That's right, Phil.

Dumbledor spoke. He said a few words about battling in the school grounds isn't acceptable behavior and he should have expelled us all for doing so yadda,

yadda, yadda. Eliza wasn't really paying attention to his lecture because for some reason she was fascinated by sparkly things, and managed to find a sparkly sequin only moments before.

With Dumbledoom's appearance, the Mary sue and randoms hissed in anger, as the purple smoke wafted towards them in its blinding purple...smoke..ness..Yes. Suddenly, as the smoke cleared, they were GONE! All except for the lead male roles, who were quite confused. Ashlea laughed and threw random objects at them. They cried like little babies.

The sequin was blown away in the non-existent breeze. Eliza was now all alone. But not really.. Ashlea was still there pelting random objects at some crying boys. Eliza sighed, she wasn't in the mood to throw random objects! So she walked away, the boys wails still being heard, being that they aren't as manly as many would presume, no.. for the lead-male roles were actually filled by females.

Dressed as MEN! WOMEN IN DRAG!

No, I lied.

Eliza, not being very clumsy. Didn't fall over.

Ashlea barked out one last laugh. Not two, ONE!.

She suddenly became mad and seethed with rage. The she-boys cowered and she smirked darkly...because if she smirked brightly it wouldn't have the same effect, and then that would be a waste of time, but not really since she was too mad to care and therefore this became a waste of her time, angering her. She spun on her heel and walked off in a huff, going down the slytherin stairs that they didn't have in the movie, to their chambers. She guessed their password which was predictably, (since all the Slytherin house members are all male and worship Snape. Don't be fooled! even the GIRLS are MALE) "Snape's too sexy for his shirt" She shuddered visibly, but went into Draco's room and fell asleep on his bed. Dubbing it as her own.

Draco, after a long and hard day. Wink. Entered his own personalized room to find a girl, on his bed. Which wasn't verry uncommon because the self-proclaimed smexy beast has had a many girl on his bed more then once. Even though he loved Harry with his lacking heart, Draco was a horney bastard and couldn't be controlled.

So he jumped on the girl that lay on his bed, making awkward movements that were ment to be sexy.

Ashlea woke up, startled. She felt something moving on top of her and started screaming rapidly. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HELPPPPPPPPPPPPP! HOLY CRAP!" she rolled over and pushed Draco off, then grabbed a dagger she just happened to have lying around. She chopped off his privates so he could never have sex again, then stabbed him in the eye. "DIE MAN WHORE!"

The boy wept and she continued chopping him up into little pieces, so that she could feed him to Harry when he least expected it.

Eliza returned to the place she called home. Other names for this place might include, "Crap Shack." "Rice House." "Mother Lode." "Scorpion Festival." "Julian Teh!Secks" But Eliza chose 'home', 'Julian Teh!Secks' was very appealing, but she already blurted out 'home' before she realized she had other options.

You cant describe home. It just isn't possible. Lets just say its like Tons of Fun on crack.

Eliza loved this place and spent most of her time their baking muffins, because baking muffins soothed the soul and mind. Plus they made good eating.

Ashlea mysteriously appeared next to Eliza with her arms full of chopped up, bleeding body parts that kept spewing up muscle and torn veins onto the floor from the slices. She picked up one of the veins...somehow and looked at her friend, "Want some spaghetti?" She then laughed hysterically at her lame joke, that she found absolutely halarious.

"Anyhoo, do you still have that box to stash dead bodies in, from primary school?"

Eliza stared at Ashlea, of course she had that old box. Duh. But staring was needed in this situation. "Why the hell did you kill Draco..?", Eliza asked. She wasn't very impressed, Ashlea should know not to disturb her during Muffin baking time. Even if it was to dispose of a corpse. No excuse!

Ashlea rolled her eyes, and replied, "The horny bastard tried to hump me! And plus, he's one of the most loved, so called bad asses of the story, therefore he's bound to come back to life at the worst possible time. Possibly to stop Harry from defeated Voldemort, by admitting that he's the Dark lord's Heir and will kill Harry instead." She shrugged, "Gonna have to kill him a lot..." she stroked her non existant beard thoughtfully.

"You realize Harry will probably, most likely, definitely, seek revenge now.. right? After all, you did kill his lover." Eliza laughed. Lover was indeed a funny word.

The oven, that the muffin's were being baked in, beeped.

A sign of doneness! Eliza's eyes lighted up, she was holding that torch rather close to her face, and she pulled out the beautiful muffins from the oven and not so graciously shoved them all down her mouth. Almost chocking herself, but not.. she had done this many a time so she some how had adapted to the sculling of muffins.

"Meh, I'll just kill him a lot, too. Kill him 'till his dead!" Ashlea's right eye twitched, because she was missing her left one. Kidding. She watched Eliza scull down the muffins and wondered how she didn't get burnt. Suddenly, to create a not so cliffy, cliffhanger, a mysterious note mysteriously appeared in Ashlea's mysterious hand. She read it aloud. "I kno wut u did 2 ma luf-er n voldy's ma bitch so imma gonna get him 2 kill u n ur frind lizzy lolz! plz stand infront of the dagger weilder strange wile he stabs u 2 death LOLZ!11" she looked up from the parchment to Eliza and said, "Hmmm. Weilding a dagger? 'ol Voldy seems to be losing his touch..."

DUN DUN DUN!


	6. Scar face vs Almighty Ash!

Suddenly, but not so suddenly for it to be a surpise, Ashlea heard the whooshing that only a flying dagger could make! she promptly ducked for cover, with a shocked yell of, "HOLY CRAPOMOLY!"

The dagger went flying around the room in circles, for reasons unknown. Wow, must've been an enchanted dagger or something. All of a sudden, it burst into flame and fell to the ground.

"Ooooh..."

Eliza looked at the ashes that the dagger left over. When I flied through the room it managed to cut her below the shoulder so the glinting red liquid that was included in the ashes, Eliza could only assume was hers. She started to laugh, "What a neat party trick!"

Ashlea looked at Eliza's arm and gasped, not in horror, but how cool it was! "That's so cool!"

A sharp scream broke out and she looked down, seeing a little turtle emerge from the blade. "...That's...weird..." she bent down and picked up the turtle, petting it, "Awww! aren't you a pretty kitty! I shall name you Pretty Kitty!" Ashlea then hugged the turtle to her chest, probably squeezing the life from it. All of a sudden, Harry Potter burst into the dorms, fountains of tears falling from his eyes. "YOU KILLED DRACO, YOU BASTARDS!111"

Eliza looked at Harry with an, "WTF!" look that is amazingly possible. Harry was breathing deeply, seems as though he was running for a very long time. "How the fark did you get in here..?" Eliza asked. She was rather confused. After all, wernt they just in her place called "Home" and now apparently they were in a dorm.

Harry gained his composer and put his hands on his hips then spoke in a high not one bit intimidating voice, "Eh, hello? This is Griffindor tower. Uh duh! But-but that's not the point! You killed DRACO!1111" He pointed his finger at Eliza.

Eliza laughed then moved his arm so the finger now pointed at Ash, who was still choking the poor turtle.

Ashlea let the turtle go, the creature running head first into a wall. Apparently, the girl had blinded him. Oh, woe is the poor pretty kitty turtle! the girl turned back to the matter at hand and saw a puffy eyed Harry Potter staring at her with rage...and sadness?

"Oh, great. Don't tell me Simple Plan has a new cd out."

Ashlea rubbed her forehead in annoyance. Scar face stared, perfect tears falling from his crystal green eyes, oh how they sparkled in their intensity!

Eliza sat in one of the cosy chairs that the Griffindor dormitory held and watched what she thought would be a great battle of the death between Harry and Ashlea.

Harry lunged Ashlea, while in a fit of sobs. He was good as multi tasking. Shock! The girl caught him by the arm as he swung a punch at her, wands forgotten and she threw him over her shoulder. "Boy goes SPLAT!" she laughed, because it was funny. To her. Harry, indeed, went splat!

Eliza had conjured up some popcorn and while taking a bite, spat half of it out and broke in a fit of giggles.

She figured out what the rest of this fight would consist of so she decided to inspect the boys dormitory for her own reasons. When she reached the room she expected Harry laid in she turned the door handle.. with her hand! And entered the room then ran towards the nearest trunk.

There was a cloak.. A dark cloak.

Eliza liked jacked so she snatched it out of the trunk and threw it on then ran down the stairs back to where the fight was held. All the while not realizing that the cloak she wore.. was the invisibility cloak!111

After officially 'owning' Harry with her mad ninja skills, Ashlea contemplated chopping him up into little pieces and doing away with him, as she had done earlier to Draco. "Hmmm...To chop up into little tiny pieces, or not to chop up into tiny little pieces!" she sighed, "It's such a difficult decision!" Completely obviously, was she, to Eliza who was hidden beneath the invisibility cloak!

After realizing Harry Potter, The Boy Who Lived, couldn't even survive in a battle against her dear friend Ashlea. Eliza thought it was rather funny. Because what she thinks must be known to all. She laughed. Oh yes, The Boy Who Lived, oh the irony.

Eliza's thoughts were usually muddled and un-comprehensionable and today was no difference.

Ashlea was shaken from her disturbing murderous thoughts, hearing laughter coming from thin air! she was then distracted once more by pesky thoughts, "Who the hell came up with 'thin air' how the hell would they know the difference between air thickness! and how can anything come from thin air! maybe there isn't such thing as air and we've all been decieved..." and Ashlea, being the obsessive compulsive thinker she was, became panicked, wondering if maybe she couldn't breathe at all, and that she was dying this VERY minute! "Holy crap! maybe I'm dying this very minute!" with her obsessive thoughts, came her obsessive tapping of a dagger, which she kept stabbing into Harry's eye without noticing.


End file.
